When I was younger I was an angry boy
with no real understanding of the anger that I felt..
I hated my parents (who I didn't know)
my grandparents
the kids at school
but more than anything..I hated myself..
I hate my parents for leaving me. Unless you went through it, you have no real understanding how hard it is for a child to think that his or her parents didn't want them. What's wrong with me?
On top of that, I was left with a Grandmother and step-Grandfather who resented having to take care of three more kids. It made us all very poor...but what was worse than anything was the lack of compassion. I never received hugs or I love you's ever. Let me tell you...that will make you an angry child..
I hated the kids at school for all the wrong reasons. I was poor and beaten on a regular basis...the worst thing the kids at school could do was pile on to that...but you know they did. When I was young it hurt pretty bad, but when I got to high school...it turned into depression and loads of feeling sorry for myself. NOe, I don't blame most people for staying away...I pushed them there...I didn't want them...I didn't want love...or at least I didn't think so..
I was bred to hate myself. I hated everything about me. How I looked, thought, acted, and I believed me to be a worthless human being. This is the only one that still affects me...I still think I'm a worthless idiot..tis true!
But the others I have come to terms with, whether it be me or someone else that caused the problems...it's over now...kids were kids...angry parents were angry...it's all over.
The only thing I want to be in this life is a good father and husband. And Lord willing...I will be..
with no real understanding of the anger that I felt..
I hated my parents (who I didn't know)
my grandparents
the kids at school
but more than anything..I hated myself..
I hate my parents for leaving me. Unless you went through it, you have no real understanding how hard it is for a child to think that his or her parents didn't want them. What's wrong with me?
On top of that, I was left with a Grandmother and step-Grandfather who resented having to take care of three more kids. It made us all very poor...but what was worse than anything was the lack of compassion. I never received hugs or I love you's ever. Let me tell you...that will make you an angry child..
I hated the kids at school for all the wrong reasons. I was poor and beaten on a regular basis...the worst thing the kids at school could do was pile on to that...but you know they did. When I was young it hurt pretty bad, but when I got to high school...it turned into depression and loads of feeling sorry for myself. NOe, I don't blame most people for staying away...I pushed them there...I didn't want them...I didn't want love...or at least I didn't think so..
I was bred to hate myself. I hated everything about me. How I looked, thought, acted, and I believed me to be a worthless human being. This is the only one that still affects me...I still think I'm a worthless idiot..tis true!
But the others I have come to terms with, whether it be me or someone else that caused the problems...it's over now...kids were kids...angry parents were angry...it's all over.
The only thing I want to be in this life is a good father and husband. And Lord willing...I will be..
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