Un Poco De Mí:
I am the child of two 18 year old people from Mississippi. Susan and Robert. I only have vague memories of living with either of them. I remember living with my great-grandmother while attending Kindergarten in Tavares, Fl. Then I remember spending time in Florida, Mississippi, and Illinois in first...by the end of the year I was living with my grandmother. The household was my grandmother, my step-grandfather (who was 16 years younger than her), my aunt, my uncle, my two sisters and myself. The garage in the house was converted to a bedroom so my uncle and I shared a room while my aunt and two sisters shared a room. This house was small and roach infested. It had 30 year old carpet and wood panel walls. We were very poor..especially with so many mouths to feed. My grandmother and grandfather were angry people. Products of the new south. It didn't take much to get hit with hands, belts, flyswatters, limbs off trees...you name it. It was a violent household and no one was spared the rod. My sisters and I got it worse because we weren't my grandmother's kids...we were her good-for-nothing daughters. We were beat, screamed at, and told we were a huge burden. There was no affection at all. No hugs, no kisses, no happy words. That's just how it was. During this time I was beaten, knocked unconscious from a blow to the head, and sexually molested. I was told to go to bed on a regular basis at 4 or 5 in the afternoon which meant most of my childhood was spent laying in a bed waiting for sleep to come. No friends, no life, no anything.
At 10 I was sent to church and while there a man talked to me about Jesus. I had no idea what he was talking about so he gave me a Bible. Even though we were supposed to come home after Sunday school I stayed for main church and listened to the preacher by myself. At the invitation I walked forward and asked Christ into my heart. I was saved at the age of 10. I still have the Bible. It was given to me on December 25th, 1985. When sent to my room I read the Bible (it was all I owned), but also because if I was found playing I would get a beating. At 10 and up I read the King James Version of the Bible and I understood it. Jesus told us to love one another. To be kind and care about everyone. Not to judge people. Not to care about materialistic things. This shaped my way of thinking and my life. To this day I think of those lessons and I try to live up to how I should be living my life.
This made me think of things that most kids weren't thinking about. I was made fun of pretty regularly at school for wearing clothes from goodwill and hand me downs. I never wore new clothes and I admit that it hurt. It made me want to dress better so that people would leave me alone, but didn't Luke 12:22-23 say..
"22 And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on.
23 The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment."I am the child of two 18 year old people from Mississippi. Susan and Robert. I only have vague memories of living with either of them. I remember living with my great-grandmother while attending Kindergarten in Tavares, Fl. Then I remember spending time in Florida, Mississippi, and Illinois in first...by the end of the year I was living with my grandmother. The household was my grandmother, my step-grandfather (who was 16 years younger than her), my aunt, my uncle, my two sisters and myself. The garage in the house was converted to a bedroom so my uncle and I shared a room while my aunt and two sisters shared a room. This house was small and roach infested. It had 30 year old carpet and wood panel walls. We were very poor..especially with so many mouths to feed. My grandmother and grandfather were angry people. Products of the new south. It didn't take much to get hit with hands, belts, flyswatters, limbs off trees...you name it. It was a violent household and no one was spared the rod. My sisters and I got it worse because we weren't my grandmother's kids...we were her good-for-nothing daughters. We were beat, screamed at, and told we were a huge burden. There was no affection at all. No hugs, no kisses, no happy words. That's just how it was. During this time I was beaten, knocked unconscious from a blow to the head, and sexually molested. I was told to go to bed on a regular basis at 4 or 5 in the afternoon which meant most of my childhood was spent laying in a bed waiting for sleep to come. No friends, no life, no anything.
At 10 I was sent to church and while there a man talked to me about Jesus. I had no idea what he was talking about so he gave me a Bible. Even though we were supposed to come home after Sunday school I stayed for main church and listened to the preacher by myself. At the invitation I walked forward and asked Christ into my heart. I was saved at the age of 10. I still have the Bible. It was given to me on December 25th, 1985. When sent to my room I read the Bible (it was all I owned), but also because if I was found playing I would get a beating. At 10 and up I read the King James Version of the Bible and I understood it. Jesus told us to love one another. To be kind and care about everyone. Not to judge people. Not to care about materialistic things. This shaped my way of thinking and my life. To this day I think of those lessons and I try to live up to how I should be living my life.
This made me think of things that most kids weren't thinking about. I was made fun of pretty regularly at school for wearing clothes from goodwill and hand me downs. I never wore new clothes and I admit that it hurt. It made me want to dress better so that people would leave me alone, but didn't Luke 12:22-23 say..
So why should I care what I put on? It's just covering me. I'm not an advertising board for Nike.
My mother and father came in and out of my life, but at a young age my father disappeared for good. I didn't make contact with him again until 18, but it's been over 10 years since I've seen him and that's fine. My mom calls every once in a while. That's fine too.
When I was 13 my grandfather was in a car wreck and somehow my family came into some money. We moved into a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I was told to start buying my own clothes so I spent my summers working to buy clothes for myself and I started 9th grade with nice clothes and everyone stopped making fun of me.
However, with that brought friends and some of them were the very people who made fun of me. They were still mean. They made fun of other people instead of me now. They talked about their fucking their 14 year old girlfriends and cumming on their parents pillows. I couldn't handle it. I didn't want to be around people like this...it was too much.
One day I made a decision to be different. No one was going to tell me what to be like or shape the way I thought. I started going back to goodwill for my clothes, but this time I was proud to wear them. I started hanging out with people that liked me for who I was. Who liked art and music...movies and comics. No drinking, no smoking, no drugs, and no sex. I wanted to enjoy life on my terms and not anyone else's.
The "trendy" lifestyle started to make me sick.
I want to live my life how I see fit and not judge anyone else for how they are, but in the same regards I'm not going to ever put myself again in a place where I'm doing something that goes against how I feel...or my own set of morals.
For instance, I don't agree with abortion. I think it's horrible that people want to have as much sex as they want and their way of dealing with pregnancy is to kill the child they made. However, I would never tell someone they can't do that. God gave us free will. It's someone's choice as to what they want to do and if they ask for forgiveness for such a thing then they deserve it just as much as anyone else. If they don't want forgiveness that is still their own business and not mine to judge. The question is though...how would I feel about a woman who has done such a thing? I wouldn't judge them for it..they are forgiven or not...it's not my business, but it takes a certain mind set to be able to do such a thing and that mind set is so much different than mine. Is that something you look over when you meet someone? Is this an ideal that means something when you're planning a life together? That is the kind of thing I struggle with. Trying to figure out is it's shallow to care about someone else's shallowness.
Algunos pensamientos, un poco de vida, algunos días
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